Q: What kind of shark is always gambling?
A: A CARDSHARK
Q: What is the average sharks favorite movie
A: The Shaw-Shark Redemption
Q: What is a sharks favorite sci-fi show
A: Shark Trek
Q: why do sharks wear shoes
A: SHARKS HAVE FEET
Q: Why do sharks live in the ocean and not the sky
A: The sky is Jet territory
Did you hear about the aquarium owner? His shark was worse than his pike.
a shark who?
a shark who just ate your family and now im going to eat you
Q: WHat doe a shark like to watch on tv
A: Anything but Flipper!!!!!
Q: What is a sharks favorite bible story
A: Noah's SHARK
Q: What was the shark;s favorite James Joyce novel
A: FINnegan's wake
Q: Why did the shark throw his clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly!
Q: why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
A: to get to the other TIDE
Q: What is a sharks favorite Dustin Hoffman Film
A: Midnight Caudal
Q: Who is the shark communitys favorite 1950s film actress
A: Dorsal Day
Q: Who is the shark communitys favorite 1950s film actor
A: Shark Hudson
Q: What was the shark world's equivalent of Tom Delay's nickname?
A: The Hammerhead
Q: why did the shark commit suicide
A: he was tired of feeling like he was swimming in circles
oh okay then *opens door* *all this water comes in including a shark* *shark eats door answerer*
Q: What did one shark say to try to comfort a friend who had just gotten out of a relationship
A: "its ok there are plenty of other birds in the sky"
Q: what are the sharks favorite creatures from the star wars franchise
q: what do yuppie sharks like to drink
Q: what was the nerd shark's favorite programming language
Q: what is the shark worlds favorite macintosh web browser
Q: What was the shark jazz musician's favorite illegal substance?
Q: what was the sharks favorite humor website
A: something dorsal
Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other
Q: What did the young shark get for Christmas?
A: Nothing! Sharks don't celebrate Christmas!!!!!!!
Q: Who was the first shark elected president of the united states?
A: James K. Shark
Q: What was the sharks favorite Orson Welles movie
A: Citizen Kane-i-kokala
Q: What was the sharks favorite B-52s song
A: Love Shark
Q: What is a shark's favorite smell?
A: Human blood.
Q: What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Q: how did the crazy shark become normal again
A: electro shark therapy
q: why did the street sharks get arrested
a: dorsal profiling
q: what did the street shark say when something radical happened?
Q: Why doesn't anybody like the stand-up comedy of Margaret Shark?
a: She bites!
Q: How do you know if a shark is hungry?
A: If he is breathing!
Q: what did the underwater dog say
A: shark! (instead of bark)
Q: Why don't sharks have tools?
A: They don't have opposable thumbs
Q: Whats green and gross and lives under the sea?
A: Shark boogers!
Q: What did the programmer shark use for his Web 2.0 site?
Q: What did the teenage sharks say when they were having sex?
A: "we're going to need a bigger condom!"
Q: What should you do if you see a shark?
A: Swim far, far away!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A mulatto scuba diver who has just been mauled to death by a shark
Q: What does a shark eat for dinner?
A: Whatever it wants!
Q: What did the shark find in Davey Jones' locker?
A: Smelly gym shorts!
Q: What was the shark's favorite Tim Burton film?
A: Edward Scissorfins
Q: Are sharks smarter than dolphins?
A: No, but don't tell them that! (they might eat you)
Q: Where can you buy sharks on Wall Street?
A: At the shark (stock) market, of course!
Q: What do British sharks like to eat?
A: Fish and kids!
Q: Where do sharks go on Saturday nights?
A: To the moooo-vies!
Shark #1: What did you think of the movie?
Shark #2: It's a great movie! It really bites!
Q: What was the shark's favorite Pixar movie?
A: Eating Nemo
Q: What did the shark plead in the murder case?
A: Not gill-ty!
Q: Why did the shark commit the murder?
A: He felt that he was "super-shark," that he could justifiably perform what society considered a despicable act - the act of killing - if it led to his being able to do more good through the act.
Q: Why do sharks make terrible lawyers?
A: They're too nice!
Q: What do you call a solitary shark
A: A "lone" (loan) shark
Q: Why do sharks chew gum?
A: For the Bazooka Joe comic
Q: Who was the shark's favorite Norwegian painter?
A: Edvard Munch!
Q: Who was the shark's favorite 20th century art figure?
A: Marcel DuChomp
Q: What's better than a shark in a blender?
A: Two sharks in a blender
Q: How did the shark avoid serving in the army?
A: He was a conscientious ob-shark-ter
Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind shark excel at?
Q: What kind of shark is always quoting Shakespeare?
A: A bard shark
Q: What do you get if you cross a shark with a Rottweiler?
A: An abomination unto God Himself
Q: What's worse than being bitten by a shark?
A: Being bitten by a vampire shark
A shark, a dolphin, and an eel swim into an undersea bar. The bartender asks what they'll be having. The dolphin orders a bourbon. The eel, who is underage, orders a Roy Rogers. The shark eats the bartender. The shark is then ostracized for his social faux pas and leaves the bar, his head bowed down in shame.
Q: What do cat sharks cough up?
A: Human balls.
Q: Why are shark comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Q: What magical spell causes the victim to bleed profusely?
Q: Did the shark who was raised by fish receive any education?
A: Yes, he was home-schooled (in a school of fish)
Q: What is the shark worlds most popular comic strip
Q: Why are sharks so patriotic?
A: They are marine fish
Q: If Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, and a shark all fought each other who would win
A: The shark
Q: What would they call a quarter pounder with cheese at a hypothetical McDonalds for sharks
A: a quarter flounder with cheese
Q: What brand of caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts do sharks prefer?
A: Cracker Sharks
Q: Why aren't there any shark puppeteers?
A: They have no hands!!!!!
Q: What's worse than one shark coming to dinner?
A: Two sharks coming to dinner
Upon eating a clownfish, one shark was heard to remark to a fellow shark, "This tastes funny."
Q: What was the teenage sharks favorite internet site
Q: What was the college student sharks favorite internet site?
Shark: "Say, why aren't you eating that human?"
Another Shark: "I'm on a diet!"
Q: Who was the sharks favorite character on NBC's "The Office"
A: Michael Shark
Q: Who was the sharks second favorite character on NBC's "The Office"
A: Dwight K. Shark
Q: Why didnt the lumberjack shark believe in God
A: He chose log-shark (logic)
Q: What kind of sharks make the best pog players?
Q: Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: What was the marine biologist's kid's excuse for not having his homework?
A: "My shark ate it!"
Q: Why did the shark joke book writer's wife leave him?
A: She wanted to start a relationship with that blond-haired meathead who "wrote" 200 Gross Jokes
Q: What do sharks call human children?
For five years, two sharks and an dolphin have worked side by side every day as window washers, and every night after work they stopped for a drink. One day, disaster struck, and the dolphin fell to his death. The police came to the site and began asking questions.
"Where does he live?" The sharks shrugged their shoulders. "Is he married?" The sharks didn't know. "What is his name?" The sharks shrugged again. "You worked with this guy for five years and you don't know anything about him?" the cop asked. "I know something about him," one shark volunteered. "He has two assholes." "What are you talking about?" said the cop. "Well," said the shark, "Whenever we go for a drink after work the bartended says, 'Here comes the dolphin with the two assholes.'"
Q: What was the shark's favorite pre-Hitler era German film?
A: The Cabinet of Dr. Cali-shark-i
q - what was the young sharks favorite basic cable channel
a - cartilaginous network
Q: Why are Shark populations declining?
A: The populations of many species of shark are suffering a documented decline. Overfishing and excessive bycatch, Shark finning and habitat destruction are all seriously impacting on global shark populations.
Q: What do shark trees consist of?
Q: What kind of photographs do shark crime scene investigators use?
A: Placoid photos
Q: What was Shark Elvis's biggest hit?
A: You Ain't Nothin' But A Houndshark
Q: Who was the politcally saavy shark's favorite Newsweek reporter?
A: Fareed Sharkaria
Q: What is the keenest kind of shark?
A: A swellshark!
Q: Why do sharks sometimes attack people?
A: There are many theories about why sharks sometimes attack people. Some attacking species, such as the Great white shark, may be confusing a human for a seal or other prey animal; this would be typical in the case of an attack against a surfer. The shape of a surfer lying on a board closely resembles a seal from beneath the surface. Also, sharks have sensory organs on their nose to pick up electrical signals, such as those generated by muscles when moving. Often the shark that attacks a human will make only one bite and then go away. This behaviour has many possible explanations, one being that humans don't taste good (or at least, as good), or are lacking the necessary fat, and another being that sharks normally make one swift attack, and then retreat and wait for the victim to die, or exhaust itself, before it comes back to feed. This protects the shark from injury, especially tooth loss, from a wounded and aggressive target; however, it also allows humans time to get out of the water and survive. Another theory is that the electrical receptors, which pick up movement, do not pick up the same signals from a wounded human as they would a wounded seal, and so they are more cautious. In fact, it has recently been shown that surfers do not give off the same electrical signals as seals, or it is thought there would be far more attacks.
Q: What kind of shark appears threatening but is actually ineffectual A: A paper tiger shark
Q: I don't have a set-up for this punchline
A: Gosford Shark